Tuesday, March 27, 2012

No Before-and-After...

Last post, I said I would put up some before-and-after pictures on decluttering my desk area the following week.

It was more than three weeks ago.

Obviously, it didn't happen... Again.

This time, I got distracted again to deal with what felt like urgent issue that actually have no urgency value at all. I just impulsively dive in and wasted my time and energy doing several things that could have left undone without any consequences. 

I honestly do not like living my life this way. I would like to get things done.

Just like anyone else.

My Disorganized Life

I have lived my life disorganized for as long as I could remember. Others used to comment how I had homework laying all over the table while my 5-year-younger sister kept hers in stacks while we were working on it. We were still in elementary school.

I must admit, I did not see being disorganized a huge problem during those days. I could always straight things up before dinner time - we did need that table for dinner. Even after I got married, I could always stay up late and clean up the house the night before having guests.

Obviously, the problem got worse as kids came along. At this point, I can hardly hide the mess even if I am given a month's notice.

Besides, I am sick of just hiding the mess in boxes.

I want to see myself having a long term change instead of a short term make-over.

Transformation Needed: Changes from the Inside Out

Before having this blog, I started to realize that my problem was bigger than the external mess: My thoughts are disorganized, my priorities are out of order and I have no discipline whatsoever.

I believed that those need to be changed first before it will show in outward appearance of an organized life with any consistency.

That's why I named my blog "To Be Transformed" and why it is my "quest for transformation".

I needed the transformation.

Not my home.

Not my desk.

Just me.

Refocus Needed

As I started writing on this blog, my inner problems interfered. My priority shifted.

Like many people, I enjoyed seeing dramatic before and after pictures. I soon became less focus on changing myself and more focus on trying to get the outward appearance and having something to show for.

I, once again, rely on an external deadlines to work. It worked for a little while, especially during Project Simplified. But I slipped right back to my old self soon afterwards.

Then, I tried to publish deadlines here, hoping that I would push myself to meet those deadlines just like I did for Project Simplified.

Same as the case as the last post, I found myself failed to keep these deadlines more and more frequently... I guess, with the rest of my life still disorganized, I spent many wee hours just to get the regular chores done; and I could only handle so many sleepless nights that I could not push myself any further.

Now, these failures bring me to refocus.

It is not my desk which needed a makeover most.

It is me who needed a transformation.

I need to live an overall organized, prioritized and disciplined life.

Where Do I Go from Here?

I am sorry that I have not been able to keep my promises and the deadlines that I posted.

I probably should not post any more deadline or promise any new post by any date. Well, since I haven't been able to keep them anyways!

Other than that, I am not sure what you could expect.

Perhaps, I may post more on my self-reflections, or struggles. Perhaps, I could post the little changes that I found myself achieve on a regular basis. Or, something that has worked for me.

Perhaps, this blog will become more and more personal... and more boring.

But over time, I still believe that this will become a story of transformation.


  1. Hi - glad you're back - Don't be so hard on yourself. !- It sounds like you have some more insight into the areas you want to work on. Organization is a process and it takes along time with lots of trial and error. I am much more organized than I used to be but it has taken me 20 years and I still struggle with paperwork and my desk area. The big thing is to get started no matter how small a change--Jessiejack

    1. Thank you very much for your encouragement! Process is the word. It takes time. Once I heard, "it has been a habit following you for the past years, it is reasonable to expect changes to happen over a longer period of time"

      No overnight success, I suppose.

  2. I hope you do post your self-reflections, struggles, little changes, and what's working or not! I look forward to reading along with your journey.

    Small progress does make a difference, even if you mess it up again right away. The more I do, and re-do, the more I learn what is really happening and what needs to happen to make positive changes.

    1. Thank you very much, Elizabeth. You have been reading along with my journey and I do feel like having a company walking with me. I really appreciate it.

      We do need to embrace the mess up moments too, don't we? I must admit, certain problems of mine may not become apparent without this blog. It is like a mirror and those failures help me face myself with more clarity and then, move forward.

  3. Oh my lord! Are you INSIDE MY HEAD? Seriously, I could have written this! I'm struggling with these same issues and frustrations with myself. In fact, this week I am performing a time audit on myself to see where I waste the most time (post forthcoming!). I was doing SO well last year with Project Simplify and developing the appearance of organization, but I don't think I got my roots properly set and the rain of life washed away what was growing. I always have the best intentions and am so enthusiastic about getting my stuff together, and yet...
    I look forward to your self-reflections on your journey. Perhaps we can figure out a way to help each other out!

    1. We do have quite a few things in common, don't we? :) I guess we could really help each other out. I will certainly check out your post. This time audit thing sounds very much like something I should do.