Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Irresponsible Life

A Long Overdue Hello

It has been almost two months since I last posted. If you pay attention to really small tiny little details, you might vaguely recall I mentioned that we had a trip out of the country in June. And I would say, if I blog the right way, I should have posted about my leave before my leave, or, at least, shortly after I arrive my destination. But I didn't. I cannot believe it took me so long to blog again!

It's Typical of me...

However, when I come to think of it, it is pretty typical of me. It is kind of a pain to admit (part of the reason why this post is so difficult to write...) but in many many ways, it is so true. I started something with a lot of enthusiasm, plan in my head what I would/should do but, at the end, I did not carry through.

... as a Blogger

When I first start this blog, I thought I would write at least once a week to give myself a little push to declutter. Thanks to Project Simplify, the requirement of a weekly post kept me in check. But, it went all downhill from there... In mid-april, I wrote in a post how I should give myself weekly goals and post about it. It didn't happen. Then, before this trip, I thought I could keep it up better because, in Hong Kong, I have help from the grandparents. I thought about what I could write about while I am not home actually doing the work. But, at the end, I even forgot to just publish a post I have already written to announce my trip and my plan...

... as a Student

I still remember I wrote in a weekly school journal on how I felt I would do better in school if only I could carry through the "study plan" in my head and to stay on track after the initial enthusiastic interest in a subject had passed. I was in seventh grade. I never did much better than studying the day before a test or examination!

... as a Mom

As I became a mother, my behavior did not improve much. In my head, I would like to give my kids some routine (and it would be especially helpful for their sleep when they were babies). But I have such a hard time sticking with anything. I wanted to read to them every day but it would last just a few days. I wanted to take them to the library regularly but I may have taken them once or twice. I would like to teach them some Chinese but it did not happen...

Facing the Truth

In the past, I never think of myself as irresponsible. I always, I thought, accomplished what was asked of me, be it from a friend or a boss. But, perhaps, I just forgot about the times that I have asked for an extension at school or at work because no problem has been caused. And as a mom, it is worse as I have no one else to report to. I could simply delete the task from my list or give myself an extension: if I could not make it to the library or to read a few books, maybe tomorrow, or next week...

Given this background, it is not difficult to understand why my house stay messy. I have no discipline at all! If I could not do the laundry today, I could do it tomorrow. If I could not clear out that counter today, I still have tomorrow. If I could not sort through that box of clutter today, tomorrow is still available!

Is there still a way for me to change? Honestly, I was seventh grade when I noticed my own study problem and I did not change throughout my school years. Is it still possible for me to develop better discipline?

For those of you who are reading my blog, I deeply thank you. I hope I did not depress you. And I am grateful that you read my posts, even though, there is no schedule and no wisdom to share. Thank you for listening.