Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Irresponsible Life

A Long Overdue Hello

It has been almost two months since I last posted. If you pay attention to really small tiny little details, you might vaguely recall I mentioned that we had a trip out of the country in June. And I would say, if I blog the right way, I should have posted about my leave before my leave, or, at least, shortly after I arrive my destination. But I didn't. I cannot believe it took me so long to blog again!

It's Typical of me...

However, when I come to think of it, it is pretty typical of me. It is kind of a pain to admit (part of the reason why this post is so difficult to write...) but in many many ways, it is so true. I started something with a lot of enthusiasm, plan in my head what I would/should do but, at the end, I did not carry through.

... as a Blogger

When I first start this blog, I thought I would write at least once a week to give myself a little push to declutter. Thanks to Project Simplify, the requirement of a weekly post kept me in check. But, it went all downhill from there... In mid-april, I wrote in a post how I should give myself weekly goals and post about it. It didn't happen. Then, before this trip, I thought I could keep it up better because, in Hong Kong, I have help from the grandparents. I thought about what I could write about while I am not home actually doing the work. But, at the end, I even forgot to just publish a post I have already written to announce my trip and my plan...

... as a Student

I still remember I wrote in a weekly school journal on how I felt I would do better in school if only I could carry through the "study plan" in my head and to stay on track after the initial enthusiastic interest in a subject had passed. I was in seventh grade. I never did much better than studying the day before a test or examination!

... as a Mom

As I became a mother, my behavior did not improve much. In my head, I would like to give my kids some routine (and it would be especially helpful for their sleep when they were babies). But I have such a hard time sticking with anything. I wanted to read to them every day but it would last just a few days. I wanted to take them to the library regularly but I may have taken them once or twice. I would like to teach them some Chinese but it did not happen...

Facing the Truth

In the past, I never think of myself as irresponsible. I always, I thought, accomplished what was asked of me, be it from a friend or a boss. But, perhaps, I just forgot about the times that I have asked for an extension at school or at work because no problem has been caused. And as a mom, it is worse as I have no one else to report to. I could simply delete the task from my list or give myself an extension: if I could not make it to the library or to read a few books, maybe tomorrow, or next week...

Given this background, it is not difficult to understand why my house stay messy. I have no discipline at all! If I could not do the laundry today, I could do it tomorrow. If I could not clear out that counter today, I still have tomorrow. If I could not sort through that box of clutter today, tomorrow is still available!

Is there still a way for me to change? Honestly, I was seventh grade when I noticed my own study problem and I did not change throughout my school years. Is it still possible for me to develop better discipline?

For those of you who are reading my blog, I deeply thank you. I hope I did not depress you. And I am grateful that you read my posts, even though, there is no schedule and no wisdom to share. Thank you for listening.


  1. Welcome back! I actually did remember that you had a trip out of the country. :-) I hope it was a great visit!

    I can relate to what you are talking about here. I have also struggled with these types of things since I was a child. I think it's hard to overcome what we are so used to, but I DO believe that we can improve!

    Keep working at it, even in small bits. Every little step helps. I also think it's important to find what works for you. It may be totally different than what works for someone else.

    Keep posting about your progress, too!

  2. Thank you very much for your encouragement! Yes, keep working at it is the key.

    And it is about time for me to get back to real life and get some real work done :)